In good company

I actually just saw that I started this post back in June... so why not post it...

I know I said before I would post more and be accountable- yeah, I know that was a month ago. But I seem to be in good company. I just caught up with the few blogs that I keep up with and it seems we have all had the Spring time funk but just as I am doing they are getting back into the groove of things.
Last time I was here I was getting too comfortable in the 160's...169 to be exact, not a happy moment. I have been about as active as a slug in a coma so I am surprised that I am currently at 163- I can handle that but I know I can go lower. The lowest number i have seen on the scale was 139...  not sure I want to go that low again, I was feeling too skinny then... did I just say that.
I know I need a fill, I have been able to eat as much as a foot ball player - I have been starting my day with a 2 egg spinach and mushroom omelet and from there I keep snacking through the day, I just can't get a grip on my hunger, but I'm feeling gun-shy about getting a fill right now because I'm getting close to TOM and I usually always get tight as a drum during that time and with too much fluid in my band it means i can't get fluids down at all... not a pretty picture but if I don't do something soon I will be pushing the 170's again...uggh.
The one bonus to my weight gain is that the 'girls" filled back out- man have I missed them, (so has the hubs ;) ) they were looking like deflated balloons, but I don't think that is a good enough reason to keep the weight on if I can slim down again.
Now that summer break is only 7 short school days away my PTA duties will no longer be my excuse for never having time to get my sweat on so I need to work on other excuses a real plan to get to the gym. I seriously haven't been to the gym since the start of last summer break and I miss it. Thankfully my boys are old enough to watch the princess while I go to the gym so I'm going to try to make it out of the house at least twice a week to start and work my self up to 4 times a week- mainly to get my sweat on on a regular basis but also so that I get a much needed break from 3 kids that will be home all day.
OK, so the sweat plan is laid out and ready for action but not so much my food... I know one thing that needs to be done is a fill- so I will have to get on the phone tomorrow and hopefully get an appointment this week- before TOM settles in for it's visit. After that I think I may try our the 3 day juice cleanse that Mrs. Laura Belle documented, you know to get back on the right track,



ok so that was all back in June- here it is September 27th... man I am bad at keeping my blog up to date...  but you can tell i tried... :)







 

I'm alive- i think....

I know I know, in my last post I said i would be back more often and here it is 5 months later.... liar liar, yes my pants are on fire.

Well let me do a quick recap on my life-
Lets see- the boys finished up their 6th grade year and the princess finished her preschool year.
Summer lasted too long, for all of us. There is not a lot to do in Las Vegas with kids and not a lot of money so we stayed in for the most part seeing as all the temperatures were up near 120 most of the summer.
So nothing really to report for the summer.

School started the last week of August here and at the same time my husband got promoted which means a shift change from day shift to graveyard... uggh- but he's now a boss and got a raise. Just as all this is going on I deiced to apply for a job within my church- and God only knows why I got it so now I have a full time day shift job... we are still adjusting but its all good.

The boys are now in 7th grade and doing good- both still in band/orchestra (they liked it so much that we actually bought them their instruments...but have I heard them practice.... not once.... don't get me started on that)
The princess is now in Kindergarten and hates it... well that may be too strong, she does not like her teacher- but I do, the first 2 weeks of school she was the one that was crying in class... she has even played sick once to get out of going to school... hubs caved and sent her to nana's house for the day so he could sleep and I wouldn't have to miss work... yeah, she was totally faking.
I have been working since the 4th of this month and I love the work and getting a pay check helps too. My prime focus last year was being president of the princess' PTA, I still have that position but I have put it on the back burner and only get to the school for a little bit on Fridays compared to all the time last year.... guess what- they are still moving forward, even without my constant management.... see miracles do happen.

Ok, so whats going on with my band... glad you asked....I just posted all this on FB so here it is again.

2 years ago this coming November will be my 2 year Bandaversary and in this 2 years I had lost 80pounds... at the beginning of this year I started having issues with my band being too tight- so I had fluid taken out of my band 3 different times and only one fill... and in this time I have gained back 30 pounds- so I went in yesterday because I am still having issues, the new RN went to take fluid out of my and come to find out I have NO fluid in there.... we are both surprised, So she looks over my chart and it seems they stopped tracking how much fluid was in my band... seriously, they didn't keep track of it- so the last time I went in was 3 months ago where she said she took out fluid but nothing was indicated on my chart as to how much she took out or how much was in there...uh why not? well seeing as I have no fluid in my band whatsoever I now get to go get an upper GI to find out if its a slip or an eroded band but seeing as I have had no fluid in the band for 3 months and the slip didn't "correct" itself I have the feeling that it has eroded which means Olga may be getting evicted- yes I named my band Olga ... I am very hopeful that my insurance will cover the cost of the removal - from what I remember the insurance said that they only cover 1 bariatric surgery per lifetime... so does this removal count as a bariatric surgery?... trying not to freak out and I know that God has got this- so as much as I hate to have to lose Olga it is not good for her to stay- throwing up daily some times multiple times and eating soft foods for the rest of my life mainly shakes and smoothies is not an option. So please pray that the insurance covers my upper GI and that whatever is going on in there is fixable. Thanks in advance.

OK so that's all for now- I promise, not pinky promise but I will do my best to kind of promise to update this sooner than in 5 months...

See ya'll on the flip side.
D

It's not too late...

At church we just finished up our Wednesday night bible study class that was entitled, "it's not too late- how God uses less than perfect people" by Tony Evans. It is a character study of 6 different biblical people, very inspiring, uplifting and it was entertaining also- But that study is over and a new one is starting after Holy week has concluded. (so that would be next week). But the whole time during the study I kept hearing 'its not too late to turn things around', no mater how horrible you have been- though it was referring to murders (Moses), prostitution (Rehab), deceivers (Jacob), divas (Esther), apostates - those who intentional reject Jesus Christ (Peter), doubters (Sarah)- I can feel a connection to these people. So why am I spouting off about my Biblical studies- because it holds true to everything in life. It's not too late to change and be better than you were the day before and so forth. I have just caught up on Sara's blog, Thinfluneced- she has gone through her own personal hell between the health of her son and her personal demons taking up space in her mind telling her she wasn't worth it she has dug her way up and out and though she will have to deal with her demons just as we all deal with them on a daily basis she is still living- she is grateful for the Grace of God and is constantly on the move, just reading her blog makes me feel out of breath and ready for a nap. I also caught up on Laura Belle's blog Beer, dogs and getting healthier- OMG she is a riot and a new mom of one of the cutest babies that is on the planet that was not birthed by me. She works a full time job along with being a full time wife and mom- she still makes time for herself and get her sweat on. Don't let me forget Banded ice Girl- living in Ice Land with an active son, going to school full time, working full time and with a full time BF she too makes time to sweat. All of these women- including Miss Lori and Lapband gal are all personal hero's to me- they might not wear a cape or fight evil but what they do is take to their computers and blog their life stories so that others can learn from them. When I stumbled across LPG blog through Pinterest I felt a connection with her- not a scary Single white female kind of way, just another person on this planet that has been there, done that and is providing her map of success and failures. It is because of her that I took to the keyboard and started to log my journey- every one is different even though our destination is the same - losing weight and being a better version of ourselves.
I Love to sit and read (in this case catch up) on the lives of these inspiring women, I love the insight, nuggets of wisdom and humor that comes through- I just hope that my blog helps and inspires someone as well.

OK- so today is a new day (from the time I actually started this post) we spent the day as a family- the hubs took the day off from work and the kids are on spring break. We started the day off getting the boys and the hubs new shoes, even the princess got a new pair even though she just got 2 new pairs... talk about daddy's little girl. Then we couldn't decide what to do, but it was getting close to lunch and with two 12 year old boys - who wear a size 13 and 10 shoes (HOLLY MOLLY) we decided to try out the new Golden Coral that opened up earlier this year. Now living in Vegas buffets are not a new thing or something special that happens at Easter- this is a 24 hour town full of buffets, but this one, this one was special, well to the boys that is. They always show the commercials of the chocolate fountains... seriously my boys sit and droll so imagine the excitement as we pulled into the parking lot- you would have thought we just got to Disney land. We get in, no line- awesome! so we head out to the food troughs to fill our plates- having just got a fill I take it easy- a peice of chicken and some popcorn shrimp. seriously that was all that was on my plate.... I ate about 5 shrimp and about 5 bites of chicken (BTW that was some awesomely good and juicy bird) and i was full. SERIOUSLY! I was not happy :( sitting in one of the best buffet places in Vegas and I am full. ugghh!!! So I sit and watch my family slip into a delicious ocean of flavors and smells and I am full. I did feel a bit of room open up so I jumped on it and aimed for mashed potatos with gravy, some stuffing and salad. I took a few little bites of each and then was done again. By this time my kids are eyeballing the desert station with their of so tempting chocolate fountains- so off they go, only to come back with wonderful sugary goodness coated in sweet chocolate and I again am full. I sit and watch thinking why oh why did I get a fill this week. In my fullness I wander over to the desert station and somehow manage to find something that may just slide down enough to satisfy my sweet tooth (and my cheapness- we paid for a buffet I want to get my monies worth) I come back with banana pudding- it is in a portioned cup and has fruit- can't be bad, and it wasn't it was soo good - I wanted to go back for more but I avoided it however the soft served ice cream made it back with me- but only a few spoonfuls and I was good- seriously done and so were the rest of the family, thank goodness.
Back in the van we go, now what to do... well we have been discussing getting another furbaby so home we go to get Shatzie, our Rotti- and head to the animal shelter to find a friend for her. We looked and played and let Shatzie play too and decided on a handsome lab/pointer mix- we will get to bring him home on Tuesday after he gets his dangling man parts removed. The princess was not happy that we left him there.. oh well that will be a surprise for her come Tuesday.
Well thats all I have going on- trying to keep balance and figure out this thing called life- Hope ya'll have a great weekend and a wonderful Easter.
D

Rude awakening

I knew I had gone overboard with my poor food choices - I mean making cookie runs almost daily (BTW- Albertsons bakery fresh cookies are beyond awesome, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED) - eating actual sandwiches with real bread- ice cream and cakes, pasta and countless bowls of cereal .... I was really out of control. The worst part is I knew it and yet I kept eating. Well I decided to take back control. I got a much needed fill yesterday- 2cc's - it is amazing how much 2 cc's can do for you. Last night after my fill while my family was enjoying a birthday dinner for my grandmother in-law that included my family favorite meatloaf, home made mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, corn and green beans I sat and enjoyed my smoothie ;I did however carefully eat a slice of cake- baby steps right, its ok though Olga aka my band let me know that she wasn't gonna let me go back for seconds.
I woke up this morning and instead of getting my big ol' cereal bowl I made myself another smoothie- almond milk, a little yogurt, frozen fruit, my protein powder and some oatmeal.... I was good for about an hour then my want to "chew" took over and I had a 100 calorie snack bar... and then was good again until lunch, a full 4 hours after my actual smoothie- and I had egg salad and some mashed potatoes from last night. So far so good for the day- not sure whats for dinner, most likely another smoothie, the kids are going to nana's to spend the night so the hubs and I can have some "quality alone" time so food is not the top priority of my night ;)
Well I did have a chance to catch up on two fellow bandsters blogs- the always amazing and inspiring Lap Band Gal and Miss Lori at I just ate my will power, how wonderful is it that during her process of getting banded and blogging to have met the man of her dreams, gotten married and is now expecting! Gongrats!!
I love that even though I have been absent these wonderful bandsters are still going strong- I look forward to catching up with everyone else's bogs too.
Oh but about yesterday- yikes, I knew going in there that I was not going to like the scale, and I didn't - the truth sucks big time when it is staring you straight in the face with those red digital numbers. 167- ouch, the last time that I was in there I was 147.... and that was in January (I think) 20 pounds in 3 months... OMG! But the thing was I was expecting finger waggling and disappointment from the nurse and the MA who gave me my fill but it was totally the opposite- my nurse, who is always a sweetheart at first was like it can't be that bad, then I stepped on the scale and all she said was lets get back on track- really no oh my God, what have you been eating? Nothing putting me down- you know all the things we make bigger than life in our own heads... And the MA was just as wonderful- didn't even bat an eyelash- she said it happens and gave me the biggest fill she was allowed to give. I left feeling much better about myself but knowing that I had to be on damage control and fix what I have done to myself.
So back to basics- every 4 hours, small bites, no drinking while eating.... and reminding myself that I am not hungry I am just bored and I do not need to eat.
So I am back in the game, not that I had left completely, just went to the bathroom and ended up at the concession stand for 6 months. But I'm ready coach, put me back in the game- I AM READY and WORTH IT!!!
thanks for stopping by, hope you have a blessed week.
D

hello?.. is this thing on?....

I can not believe how long it has been since I last posted let alone read anyone else's post and it shows- I have lost all motivation and accountability and its my own stupid fault- I could come up with some good excuses but they are just that, excuses- but I am back, at lease this is my plan.

Let me try to recap the last 6ish months, whoa, has it been that long? wowzers.
OK so I had my one year bandaversary in November and was at my goal weight of 145, I was doing good, feeling good and getting cocky- I figured that I had survived the first year, made it to my goal and I got lazy. Now we all know that the holidays are a struggle for all food addicts and of course when I needed accountability and motivation the most is when I totally fell off the radar. I held my own pretty well until about January when my allergies got the best of me and I had to have some fluid taken out because I was too tight...Well the weather in Vegas changes at the drop of a hat and pretty soon I was loose- and eating way more than I know I should have. I noticed the scale was moving in the wrong direction- and I kept saying to myself, 'I'm ok as long as I don't go past 150... then I changed to 155. Well to add insult to injury I had about 2 weeks where I couldn't get anything down- between allergies and my monthly I was having stuck moments left and right, deep down I was thinking, woohoo restriction! then I realized I hadn't had real food in close to a week, then it got to a scary point where I couldn't even get water down- I was dehydrated and ended up having to have more fluid taken out on a Saturday. Well the little bit of wight I had lost due to being too tight came right back and brought friends, lots of them- and again I kept telling myself I was good as long as I didn't go over 155, then 160 and now I am at the point of not going over 165. I am not happy with myself or my lack of will power and my over abundance of confidence that was sabotaging my efforts. I have an appointment to get a much needed fill tomorrow (I think right now I have about 3cc in my 10 cc band), and as much as I want to get back all the restriction I once had and get back into my size 6 pants I know that I have to play by the rules and take my time- it is not a marathon.

Other than the weight gain I have been busy being the PTA president at my daughters school- I really enjoy it and have thought about going back to school to get my associates so that I can become a substitute teacher. I am also getting pretty active in my church- I have the honor of working in the office on the 1st Sunday of the month for attendance and working in with the 2 and 3 year olds on the second Sunday of the month. If I had more energy I would be in the choir but the rehearsals are on Wednesdays after Bible study and by the time we get out of our study, collect the kids and get home it is bedtime so perhaps I'll join at a later time.

Well that's all for now- Thanks for stopping by, I hope you have a blessed day and I promise not to be a stranger.

I'm here- now what

A whole month without posting... dang- I have alot of blogs to catch up on.
I am ok- just needed to distance myself from my blog for a while- needed to get a better perspective on things without the "audience" so to speak.
So what have I been up to... same ol same ol- being mom to 3 rowdy kids and wife to one amazing husband who has turned his life around and I am so grateful that I stuck around to see it happen.
The boys and I did go to meetings with people who are in the same boat as us and we really enjoyed it. It was so nice to sit with people who have gone through the same emotions that we have been going through. We have put meetings on hold for a little while- we are trying really hard to get our time management in order- both my boys have after school activities so they are not home until 4-5pm, the hubs goes straight to his meeting after work getting him home around the same time meanwhile after pre-k its just me and the princess and recently we have started going back to church- It has been close to 23 years since I have attended a real bible study and service and we figured with this whole new turnaround with the hubs we all could use a dose of Jesus in our lives- who couldn't right?
So while we at open house for my sons school we met one of his Friends and her mom who invited us to attend her church- talk about good timing right- the Lord sent her into our lives for a reason and the boys and I have been attending every Sunday for the past month and just this past Wednesday we went to the bible study - all of us, hubs included- the class was on Fiancees and how to spend according to Gods plan- seriously we needed to go to this class. So I guess I have been getting my spiritual health underway.
Still busy with the PTA but I have come to terms with the fact that I can not do it all and there are actual members out there who are eager to help so I have relinquished some of my self appointed duties and I feel very comfortable with it- and seeing as I am a control freak this is a big step. 
Weight wise I am still in the game, just not as active as I should be- my last recorded weigh in was 144.6 and today I am 143.2 so I'm still under my goal- just need to work on getting my self back to the gym or even on my treadmill- that and stay away from the cookies and cream ice cream that happens to find its way into my mouth on a daily basis.
The only other thing I have to post is that is suck when someone steals your debit card info- I went to check the account htis evening to see what we had left and low and behold two transactions one $190 the other $45 to two mail order companies- really, like we need this in our lives- but I am handling it much better than I would have before I started back at church- I am confident that things will work out and that he has a plan and that we just need to follow him... Yes I know I am a little church focused but this is the best I have felt mentally in a while and I am very grateful that I have renewed my relationship with God.
well that's all- thanks for checking up on me and seeing whats new with me- I will hopefully have a chance to catch up on everyone blog soon.
have a great rest of the week and God bless

weigh in day

I knew it would be a gain - 2 pounds exactly. I have been reverting to old habits of eating my emotions and not drinking enough water and haven't got my sweat on in months. I am trying not to dwell on this and am trying to get back on track but shit keeps happening in our lives-

First before I begin to vent/wine about how bad my life is let me say that I am very blessed- I have 3 healthy children, a warm home, I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with my kids and provide a loving home for everyone, I have a loving husband who has a steady job with a decent income and who is doing everything in his power to combat his demons- even if it means it keeps him in meetings day after day and leaving me to be mom AND dad for the most part,  but lately I feel alone even though the house is full and now one of me good friends has "unfriended" me on FB with not so much as an "F you" I have tried calling, texting and tried even re-friending her with no success- I have asked a mutual friend of ours and she has no idea and neither do I- my other mommie friends are on the other side of town making it hard to really see them and then there is my husband who if he isn't at work then he is at a meeting or helping someone with their demons leaving very little time with him. I am feeling the financial stress of his demons- our finances are still in the red from them and though we know it will take some time we will get back in the green but I have been expecting a refund from my surgery- $826 a nice piece of change right? well I have been waiting and waiting and I finally get a call that the refund is ready but they are applying it to another account that I have with their hospital... UGHH! I can't seem to catch a break... I am trying very hard to be understanding and I know that I owe that money but when I call every week and they say that it should be ready next week (for the past 3 weeks) and then I get a call saying its ready but you cant have it is very frustrating.... I am still shaking and trying very hard to keep myself grounded and out of the kitchen.


Well I have since spoke to the hubs and he helped get me peace of mind back saying it is what it is and that we will get through this- meanwhile I have avoided the kitchen and have taken the princess to Pre-k - I should have got right on the treadmill when I got home but my mind is still full of finical issues and PTA things... but I am still resisting the urge to go to the kitchen and raid the cookies and ice cream.

Now that I have accomplished that difficult task of using my will power I will go and pick up the princess and perhaps put on a workout video and have her sweat with me.

Sorry about the rambling and whining - sometimes it just helps to write things out and get my thoughts on paper.

Ok- I'm off for now- thanks for stopping by.