I knew I had gone overboard with my poor food choices - I mean making cookie runs almost daily (BTW- Albertsons bakery fresh cookies are beyond awesome, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED) - eating actual sandwiches with real bread- ice cream and cakes, pasta and countless bowls of cereal .... I was really out of control. The worst part is I knew it and yet I kept eating. Well I decided to take back control. I got a much needed fill yesterday- 2cc's - it is amazing how much 2 cc's can do for you. Last night after my fill while my family was enjoying a birthday dinner for my grandmother in-law that included my family favorite meatloaf, home made mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, corn and green beans I sat and enjoyed my smoothie ;I did however carefully eat a slice of cake- baby steps right, its ok though Olga aka my band let me know that she wasn't gonna let me go back for seconds.
I woke up this morning and instead of getting my big ol' cereal bowl I made myself another smoothie- almond milk, a little yogurt, frozen fruit, my protein powder and some oatmeal.... I was good for about an hour then my want to "chew" took over and I had a 100 calorie snack bar... and then was good again until lunch, a full 4 hours after my actual smoothie- and I had egg salad and some mashed potatoes from last night. So far so good for the day- not sure whats for dinner, most likely another smoothie, the kids are going to nana's to spend the night so the hubs and I can have some "quality alone" time so food is not the top priority of my night ;)
Well I did have a chance to catch up on two fellow bandsters blogs- the always amazing and inspiring Lap Band Gal and Miss Lori at I just ate my will power, how wonderful is it that during her process of getting banded and blogging to have met the man of her dreams, gotten married and is now expecting! Gongrats!!
I love that even though I have been absent these wonderful bandsters are still going strong- I look forward to catching up with everyone else's bogs too.
Oh but about yesterday- yikes, I knew going in there that I was not going to like the scale, and I didn't - the truth sucks big time when it is staring you straight in the face with those red digital numbers. 167- ouch, the last time that I was in there I was 147.... and that was in January (I think) 20 pounds in 3 months... OMG! But the thing was I was expecting finger waggling and disappointment from the nurse and the MA who gave me my fill but it was totally the opposite- my nurse, who is always a sweetheart at first was like it can't be that bad, then I stepped on the scale and all she said was lets get back on track- really no oh my God, what have you been eating? Nothing putting me down- you know all the things we make bigger than life in our own heads... And the MA was just as wonderful- didn't even bat an eyelash- she said it happens and gave me the biggest fill she was allowed to give. I left feeling much better about myself but knowing that I had to be on damage control and fix what I have done to myself.
So back to basics- every 4 hours, small bites, no drinking while eating.... and reminding myself that I am not hungry I am just bored and I do not need to eat.
So I am back in the game, not that I had left completely, just went to the bathroom and ended up at the concession stand for 6 months. But I'm ready coach, put me back in the game- I AM READY and WORTH IT!!!
thanks for stopping by, hope you have a blessed week.
D
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
hello?.. is this thing on?....
I can not believe how long it has been since I last posted let alone read anyone else's post and it shows- I have lost all motivation and accountability and its my own stupid fault- I could come up with some good excuses but they are just that, excuses- but I am back, at lease this is my plan.
Let me try to recap the last 6ish months, whoa, has it been that long? wowzers.
OK so I had my one year bandaversary in November and was at my goal weight of 145, I was doing good, feeling good and getting cocky- I figured that I had survived the first year, made it to my goal and I got lazy. Now we all know that the holidays are a struggle for all food addicts and of course when I needed accountability and motivation the most is when I totally fell off the radar. I held my own pretty well until about January when my allergies got the best of me and I had to have some fluid taken out because I was too tight...Well the weather in Vegas changes at the drop of a hat and pretty soon I was loose- and eating way more than I know I should have. I noticed the scale was moving in the wrong direction- and I kept saying to myself, 'I'm ok as long as I don't go past 150... then I changed to 155. Well to add insult to injury I had about 2 weeks where I couldn't get anything down- between allergies and my monthly I was having stuck moments left and right, deep down I was thinking, woohoo restriction! then I realized I hadn't had real food in close to a week, then it got to a scary point where I couldn't even get water down- I was dehydrated and ended up having to have more fluid taken out on a Saturday. Well the little bit of wight I had lost due to being too tight came right back and brought friends, lots of them- and again I kept telling myself I was good as long as I didn't go over 155, then 160 and now I am at the point of not going over 165. I am not happy with myself or my lack of will power and my over abundance of confidence that was sabotaging my efforts. I have an appointment to get a much needed fill tomorrow (I think right now I have about 3cc in my 10 cc band), and as much as I want to get back all the restriction I once had and get back into my size 6 pants I know that I have to play by the rules and take my time- it is not a marathon.
Other than the weight gain I have been busy being the PTA president at my daughters school- I really enjoy it and have thought about going back to school to get my associates so that I can become a substitute teacher. I am also getting pretty active in my church- I have the honor of working in the office on the 1st Sunday of the month for attendance and working in with the 2 and 3 year olds on the second Sunday of the month. If I had more energy I would be in the choir but the rehearsals are on Wednesdays after Bible study and by the time we get out of our study, collect the kids and get home it is bedtime so perhaps I'll join at a later time.
Well that's all for now- Thanks for stopping by, I hope you have a blessed day and I promise not to be a stranger.
Let me try to recap the last 6ish months, whoa, has it been that long? wowzers.
OK so I had my one year bandaversary in November and was at my goal weight of 145, I was doing good, feeling good and getting cocky- I figured that I had survived the first year, made it to my goal and I got lazy. Now we all know that the holidays are a struggle for all food addicts and of course when I needed accountability and motivation the most is when I totally fell off the radar. I held my own pretty well until about January when my allergies got the best of me and I had to have some fluid taken out because I was too tight...Well the weather in Vegas changes at the drop of a hat and pretty soon I was loose- and eating way more than I know I should have. I noticed the scale was moving in the wrong direction- and I kept saying to myself, 'I'm ok as long as I don't go past 150... then I changed to 155. Well to add insult to injury I had about 2 weeks where I couldn't get anything down- between allergies and my monthly I was having stuck moments left and right, deep down I was thinking, woohoo restriction! then I realized I hadn't had real food in close to a week, then it got to a scary point where I couldn't even get water down- I was dehydrated and ended up having to have more fluid taken out on a Saturday. Well the little bit of wight I had lost due to being too tight came right back and brought friends, lots of them- and again I kept telling myself I was good as long as I didn't go over 155, then 160 and now I am at the point of not going over 165. I am not happy with myself or my lack of will power and my over abundance of confidence that was sabotaging my efforts. I have an appointment to get a much needed fill tomorrow (I think right now I have about 3cc in my 10 cc band), and as much as I want to get back all the restriction I once had and get back into my size 6 pants I know that I have to play by the rules and take my time- it is not a marathon.
Other than the weight gain I have been busy being the PTA president at my daughters school- I really enjoy it and have thought about going back to school to get my associates so that I can become a substitute teacher. I am also getting pretty active in my church- I have the honor of working in the office on the 1st Sunday of the month for attendance and working in with the 2 and 3 year olds on the second Sunday of the month. If I had more energy I would be in the choir but the rehearsals are on Wednesdays after Bible study and by the time we get out of our study, collect the kids and get home it is bedtime so perhaps I'll join at a later time.
Well that's all for now- Thanks for stopping by, I hope you have a blessed day and I promise not to be a stranger.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
I'm here- now what
A whole month without posting... dang- I have alot of blogs to catch up on.
I am ok- just needed to distance myself from my blog for a while- needed to get a better perspective on things without the "audience" so to speak.
So what have I been up to... same ol same ol- being mom to 3 rowdy kids and wife to one amazing husband who has turned his life around and I am so grateful that I stuck around to see it happen.
The boys and I did go to meetings with people who are in the same boat as us and we really enjoyed it. It was so nice to sit with people who have gone through the same emotions that we have been going through. We have put meetings on hold for a little while- we are trying really hard to get our time management in order- both my boys have after school activities so they are not home until 4-5pm, the hubs goes straight to his meeting after work getting him home around the same time meanwhile after pre-k its just me and the princess and recently we have started going back to church- It has been close to 23 years since I have attended a real bible study and service and we figured with this whole new turnaround with the hubs we all could use a dose of Jesus in our lives- who couldn't right?
So while we at open house for my sons school we met one of his Friends and her mom who invited us to attend her church- talk about good timing right- the Lord sent her into our lives for a reason and the boys and I have been attending every Sunday for the past month and just this past Wednesday we went to the bible study - all of us, hubs included- the class was on Fiancees and how to spend according to Gods plan- seriously we needed to go to this class. So I guess I have been getting my spiritual health underway.
Still busy with the PTA but I have come to terms with the fact that I can not do it all and there are actual members out there who are eager to help so I have relinquished some of my self appointed duties and I feel very comfortable with it- and seeing as I am a control freak this is a big step.
Weight wise I am still in the game, just not as active as I should be- my last recorded weigh in was 144.6 and today I am 143.2 so I'm still under my goal- just need to work on getting my self back to the gym or even on my treadmill- that and stay away from the cookies and cream ice cream that happens to find its way into my mouth on a daily basis.
The only other thing I have to post is that is suck when someone steals your debit card info- I went to check the account htis evening to see what we had left and low and behold two transactions one $190 the other $45 to two mail order companies- really, like we need this in our lives- but I am handling it much better than I would have before I started back at church- I am confident that things will work out and that he has a plan and that we just need to follow him... Yes I know I am a little church focused but this is the best I have felt mentally in a while and I am very grateful that I have renewed my relationship with God.
well that's all- thanks for checking up on me and seeing whats new with me- I will hopefully have a chance to catch up on everyone blog soon.
have a great rest of the week and God bless
I am ok- just needed to distance myself from my blog for a while- needed to get a better perspective on things without the "audience" so to speak.
So what have I been up to... same ol same ol- being mom to 3 rowdy kids and wife to one amazing husband who has turned his life around and I am so grateful that I stuck around to see it happen.
The boys and I did go to meetings with people who are in the same boat as us and we really enjoyed it. It was so nice to sit with people who have gone through the same emotions that we have been going through. We have put meetings on hold for a little while- we are trying really hard to get our time management in order- both my boys have after school activities so they are not home until 4-5pm, the hubs goes straight to his meeting after work getting him home around the same time meanwhile after pre-k its just me and the princess and recently we have started going back to church- It has been close to 23 years since I have attended a real bible study and service and we figured with this whole new turnaround with the hubs we all could use a dose of Jesus in our lives- who couldn't right?
So while we at open house for my sons school we met one of his Friends and her mom who invited us to attend her church- talk about good timing right- the Lord sent her into our lives for a reason and the boys and I have been attending every Sunday for the past month and just this past Wednesday we went to the bible study - all of us, hubs included- the class was on Fiancees and how to spend according to Gods plan- seriously we needed to go to this class. So I guess I have been getting my spiritual health underway.
Still busy with the PTA but I have come to terms with the fact that I can not do it all and there are actual members out there who are eager to help so I have relinquished some of my self appointed duties and I feel very comfortable with it- and seeing as I am a control freak this is a big step.
Weight wise I am still in the game, just not as active as I should be- my last recorded weigh in was 144.6 and today I am 143.2 so I'm still under my goal- just need to work on getting my self back to the gym or even on my treadmill- that and stay away from the cookies and cream ice cream that happens to find its way into my mouth on a daily basis.
The only other thing I have to post is that is suck when someone steals your debit card info- I went to check the account htis evening to see what we had left and low and behold two transactions one $190 the other $45 to two mail order companies- really, like we need this in our lives- but I am handling it much better than I would have before I started back at church- I am confident that things will work out and that he has a plan and that we just need to follow him... Yes I know I am a little church focused but this is the best I have felt mentally in a while and I am very grateful that I have renewed my relationship with God.
well that's all- thanks for checking up on me and seeing whats new with me- I will hopefully have a chance to catch up on everyone blog soon.
have a great rest of the week and God bless
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
weigh in day
I knew it would be a gain - 2 pounds exactly. I have been reverting to old habits of eating my emotions and not drinking enough water and haven't got my sweat on in months. I am trying not to dwell on this and am trying to get back on track but shit keeps happening in our lives-
First before I begin to vent/wine about how bad my life is let me say that I am very blessed- I have 3 healthy children, a warm home, I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with my kids and provide a loving home for everyone, I have a loving husband who has a steady job with a decent income and who is doing everything in his power to combat his demons- even if it means it keeps him in meetings day after day and leaving me to be mom AND dad for the most part, but lately I feel alone even though the house is full and now one of me good friends has "unfriended" me on FB with not so much as an "F you" I have tried calling, texting and tried even re-friending her with no success- I have asked a mutual friend of ours and she has no idea and neither do I- my other mommie friends are on the other side of town making it hard to really see them and then there is my husband who if he isn't at work then he is at a meeting or helping someone with their demons leaving very little time with him. I am feeling the financial stress of his demons- our finances are still in the red from them and though we know it will take some time we will get back in the green but I have been expecting a refund from my surgery- $826 a nice piece of change right? well I have been waiting and waiting and I finally get a call that the refund is ready but they are applying it to another account that I have with their hospital... UGHH! I can't seem to catch a break... I am trying very hard to be understanding and I know that I owe that money but when I call every week and they say that it should be ready next week (for the past 3 weeks) and then I get a call saying its ready but you cant have it is very frustrating.... I am still shaking and trying very hard to keep myself grounded and out of the kitchen.
Well I have since spoke to the hubs and he helped get me peace of mind back saying it is what it is and that we will get through this- meanwhile I have avoided the kitchen and have taken the princess to Pre-k - I should have got right on the treadmill when I got home but my mind is still full of finical issues and PTA things... but I am still resisting the urge to go to the kitchen and raid the cookies and ice cream.
Now that I have accomplished that difficult task of using my will power I will go and pick up the princess and perhaps put on a workout video and have her sweat with me.
Sorry about the rambling and whining - sometimes it just helps to write things out and get my thoughts on paper.
Ok- I'm off for now- thanks for stopping by.
First before I begin to vent/wine about how bad my life is let me say that I am very blessed- I have 3 healthy children, a warm home, I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with my kids and provide a loving home for everyone, I have a loving husband who has a steady job with a decent income and who is doing everything in his power to combat his demons- even if it means it keeps him in meetings day after day and leaving me to be mom AND dad for the most part, but lately I feel alone even though the house is full and now one of me good friends has "unfriended" me on FB with not so much as an "F you" I have tried calling, texting and tried even re-friending her with no success- I have asked a mutual friend of ours and she has no idea and neither do I- my other mommie friends are on the other side of town making it hard to really see them and then there is my husband who if he isn't at work then he is at a meeting or helping someone with their demons leaving very little time with him. I am feeling the financial stress of his demons- our finances are still in the red from them and though we know it will take some time we will get back in the green but I have been expecting a refund from my surgery- $826 a nice piece of change right? well I have been waiting and waiting and I finally get a call that the refund is ready but they are applying it to another account that I have with their hospital... UGHH! I can't seem to catch a break... I am trying very hard to be understanding and I know that I owe that money but when I call every week and they say that it should be ready next week (for the past 3 weeks) and then I get a call saying its ready but you cant have it is very frustrating.... I am still shaking and trying very hard to keep myself grounded and out of the kitchen.
Well I have since spoke to the hubs and he helped get me peace of mind back saying it is what it is and that we will get through this- meanwhile I have avoided the kitchen and have taken the princess to Pre-k - I should have got right on the treadmill when I got home but my mind is still full of finical issues and PTA things... but I am still resisting the urge to go to the kitchen and raid the cookies and ice cream.
Now that I have accomplished that difficult task of using my will power I will go and pick up the princess and perhaps put on a workout video and have her sweat with me.
Sorry about the rambling and whining - sometimes it just helps to write things out and get my thoughts on paper.
Ok- I'm off for now- thanks for stopping by.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
loss of my fur baby
This morning went as expected- not good. My Jack Rat had paralysis in his spine arthritis in his back legs and the mass that was on his back leg that we though was just a cyst may have actually been cancer. There was nothing much that could have been done that would have guaranteed a long life for him and keeping him with us in the pain he was in would have ben selfish so we made the decision to have him wait for us at Rainbow Bridge where he will be healthy and can run and jump again and will keep Cookie Monster company until we reunite. I was with him the whole time- I held him and pet him and talked to him as he slipped into his deep sleep- He was a great dog, so loving and was very loyal even to the end- I will miss him beyond what words can express.
The hubs showed up as soon as he could but wasn't there as he took his last breath but he did say his goodbye this morning- it was very hard for him as it was for me
When I got home one of my boys asked where Jack was and all I could d was shake my head and he broke down which started the other one to crying that made me cry again, the princess is too young to understand that he wont be coming back- trying to explain that God is holding onto them at the Rainbow Bridge until we are reunited is not an easy task. The newest fur baby, Shatzie knows something's wrong because I keep crying so she has been sitting right next to me more so than usual.
My boys right now seem to b ok but I keep crying into my bowl of ice cream... not good I know but right now I don't really care. The pain of this will eventually fade and I will come to grips with his passing but right now it is fresh and bringing up memories of my Cookie Monster too- I miss them both so much right now.
Well that's all I can bare to write right now- I'm sorry that this was not a happy post but it was necessary. Thanks for stopping by and if you have a fur baby please give them a hug and a kiss for me.
The hubs showed up as soon as he could but wasn't there as he took his last breath but he did say his goodbye this morning- it was very hard for him as it was for me
When I got home one of my boys asked where Jack was and all I could d was shake my head and he broke down which started the other one to crying that made me cry again, the princess is too young to understand that he wont be coming back- trying to explain that God is holding onto them at the Rainbow Bridge until we are reunited is not an easy task. The newest fur baby, Shatzie knows something's wrong because I keep crying so she has been sitting right next to me more so than usual.
My boys right now seem to b ok but I keep crying into my bowl of ice cream... not good I know but right now I don't really care. The pain of this will eventually fade and I will come to grips with his passing but right now it is fresh and bringing up memories of my Cookie Monster too- I miss them both so much right now.
Well that's all I can bare to write right now- I'm sorry that this was not a happy post but it was necessary. Thanks for stopping by and if you have a fur baby please give them a hug and a kiss for me.
Friday, September 6, 2013
take the good, take the bad, take them both and there you have my life...
Ok, so yesterday I finally remembered to call and get into my band doctor to get some fluid out- I had been having too many stuck/BP moments and heartburn- they were able to get me in with the PA- it was her first time dealing with me and I don't think I liked her- with my doctor I hardly feel it but with her I swear she used me as a pin cushion- ouch! But other than that it was pretty quick and I was out of there in 10 minutes. Today has been better but I did over do it this morning and did have a small episode.
While I was there I was weighed and I was at 142 that's a drop of 7 pounds from the last time I was in there so I'm pretty happy with that- now if only my life would slow down a bit so I can get to the gym.
My kids are back in school- even the princess; she is there from 9-11:30 m-th so that give me a little time to go but this past week I was at the school doing PTA stuff for he beginning of the year and am finally slowing down on that.
Now between getting 3 kids to 3 different schools, keeping the house in some kind of working order, keeping their standard student attire clean and ready for the next day of school the hubs is going full force to his meetings and the kids and I have started to go to meetings for us, then the hubs truck batteries dies- both of them (he has a diesel engine) so we had to spend a fortune on batteries and the overtime that he had worked was barely reflected on his check due to a pay cut and health insurance payment- so just a little bit of stress going on financially and time wise and now tomorrow I have to take my Jack rat to the vet- he is unable to use his back legs- He can not go out on his own- I have to carry him out then hose him off because he can't stand up to do his business, he does "crawl" by using his two front legs but it causes him so much pain that if you touch his front legs/paws he winces and growls in pain. He has been like this for a few weeks but we haven't been able to fit his vet bill into our budget until now and I'm afraid of what the vet is going to say. He had been limping before this but on his front leg- but after we put cookie down it got worse- we adopted a friend for him hoping it would bring him out of his depression but it only seems to have gotten worse... I am really not looking forward to tomorrow. - sorry to be a downer but this is really weighing on my heart and mind tonight
sorry about my ramblings... its just been a crazy long week. thanks for stopping by hope your week is running smoother than mine
While I was there I was weighed and I was at 142 that's a drop of 7 pounds from the last time I was in there so I'm pretty happy with that- now if only my life would slow down a bit so I can get to the gym.
My kids are back in school- even the princess; she is there from 9-11:30 m-th so that give me a little time to go but this past week I was at the school doing PTA stuff for he beginning of the year and am finally slowing down on that.
Now between getting 3 kids to 3 different schools, keeping the house in some kind of working order, keeping their standard student attire clean and ready for the next day of school the hubs is going full force to his meetings and the kids and I have started to go to meetings for us, then the hubs truck batteries dies- both of them (he has a diesel engine) so we had to spend a fortune on batteries and the overtime that he had worked was barely reflected on his check due to a pay cut and health insurance payment- so just a little bit of stress going on financially and time wise and now tomorrow I have to take my Jack rat to the vet- he is unable to use his back legs- He can not go out on his own- I have to carry him out then hose him off because he can't stand up to do his business, he does "crawl" by using his two front legs but it causes him so much pain that if you touch his front legs/paws he winces and growls in pain. He has been like this for a few weeks but we haven't been able to fit his vet bill into our budget until now and I'm afraid of what the vet is going to say. He had been limping before this but on his front leg- but after we put cookie down it got worse- we adopted a friend for him hoping it would bring him out of his depression but it only seems to have gotten worse... I am really not looking forward to tomorrow. - sorry to be a downer but this is really weighing on my heart and mind tonight
sorry about my ramblings... its just been a crazy long week. thanks for stopping by hope your week is running smoother than mine
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Weigh in day
As is the routine for every Tuesday for the past 40 weeks I steeped on the scale and today it read 142.6 a gain of one pound- seeing as I have not been drinking near enough water and eating like I don't have a band even though it reminds me every time I over do it I'll take it.
But now that the boys are back in school and the princess is in Pre-k from 9-11:30 I don't have any excuses not to get my butt off the couch and get back to moving.
TOM is gone and the cravings are subsiding- although I now have a taste for ice cream again...but Its gone and I do not plan on buying any anytime soon... well that's my plan we'll see what happens
but I do hear the cookies calling me from the other room... uggh... where is my will power
I know what I need to do its just a matter of doing it- well that's all for now- thanks for stopping by
But now that the boys are back in school and the princess is in Pre-k from 9-11:30 I don't have any excuses not to get my butt off the couch and get back to moving.
TOM is gone and the cravings are subsiding- although I now have a taste for ice cream again...but Its gone and I do not plan on buying any anytime soon... well that's my plan we'll see what happens
but I do hear the cookies calling me from the other room... uggh... where is my will power
I know what I need to do its just a matter of doing it- well that's all for now- thanks for stopping by
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