Tuesday, September 10, 2013

weigh in day

I knew it would be a gain - 2 pounds exactly. I have been reverting to old habits of eating my emotions and not drinking enough water and haven't got my sweat on in months. I am trying not to dwell on this and am trying to get back on track but shit keeps happening in our lives-

First before I begin to vent/wine about how bad my life is let me say that I am very blessed- I have 3 healthy children, a warm home, I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with my kids and provide a loving home for everyone, I have a loving husband who has a steady job with a decent income and who is doing everything in his power to combat his demons- even if it means it keeps him in meetings day after day and leaving me to be mom AND dad for the most part,  but lately I feel alone even though the house is full and now one of me good friends has "unfriended" me on FB with not so much as an "F you" I have tried calling, texting and tried even re-friending her with no success- I have asked a mutual friend of ours and she has no idea and neither do I- my other mommie friends are on the other side of town making it hard to really see them and then there is my husband who if he isn't at work then he is at a meeting or helping someone with their demons leaving very little time with him. I am feeling the financial stress of his demons- our finances are still in the red from them and though we know it will take some time we will get back in the green but I have been expecting a refund from my surgery- $826 a nice piece of change right? well I have been waiting and waiting and I finally get a call that the refund is ready but they are applying it to another account that I have with their hospital... UGHH! I can't seem to catch a break... I am trying very hard to be understanding and I know that I owe that money but when I call every week and they say that it should be ready next week (for the past 3 weeks) and then I get a call saying its ready but you cant have it is very frustrating.... I am still shaking and trying very hard to keep myself grounded and out of the kitchen.

Well I have since spoke to the hubs and he helped get me peace of mind back saying it is what it is and that we will get through this- meanwhile I have avoided the kitchen and have taken the princess to Pre-k - I should have got right on the treadmill when I got home but my mind is still full of finical issues and PTA things... but I am still resisting the urge to go to the kitchen and raid the cookies and ice cream.

Now that I have accomplished that difficult task of using my will power I will go and pick up the princess and perhaps put on a workout video and have her sweat with me.

Sorry about the rambling and whining - sometimes it just helps to write things out and get my thoughts on paper.

Ok- I'm off for now- thanks for stopping by.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

loss of my fur baby

This morning went as expected- not good. My Jack Rat had paralysis in his spine arthritis in his back legs and the mass that was on his back leg that we though was just a cyst may have actually been cancer. There was nothing much that could have been done that would have guaranteed a long life for him and keeping him with us in the pain he was in would have ben selfish so we made the decision to have him wait for us at Rainbow Bridge where he will be healthy and can run and jump again and will keep Cookie Monster company until we reunite. I was with him the whole time- I held him and pet him and talked to him as he slipped into his deep sleep- He was a great dog, so loving and was very loyal even to the end- I will miss him beyond what words can express.
The hubs showed up as soon as he could but wasn't there as he took his last breath but he did say his goodbye this morning- it was very hard for him as it was for me
When I got home one of my boys asked where Jack was and all I could d was shake my head and he broke down which started the other one to crying that made me cry again, the princess is too young to understand that he wont be coming back- trying to explain that God is holding onto them at the Rainbow Bridge until we are reunited is not an easy task. The newest fur baby, Shatzie knows something's wrong because I keep crying so she has been sitting right next to me more so than usual.
My boys right now seem to b ok but I keep crying into my bowl of ice cream... not good I know but right now I don't really care. The pain of this will eventually fade and I will come to grips with his passing but right now it is fresh and bringing up memories of my Cookie Monster too- I miss them both so much right now.
Well that's all I can bare to write right now- I'm sorry that this was not a happy post but it was necessary. Thanks for stopping by and if you have a fur baby please give them a hug and a kiss for me.

Friday, September 6, 2013

take the good, take the bad, take them both and there you have my life...

Ok, so yesterday I finally remembered to call and get into my band doctor to get some fluid out- I had been having too many stuck/BP moments and heartburn- they were able to get me in with the PA- it was her first time dealing with me and I don't think I liked her- with my doctor I hardly feel it but with her I swear she used me as a pin cushion- ouch! But other than that it was pretty quick and I was out of there in 10 minutes. Today has been better but I did over do it this morning and did have a small episode.
While I was there I was weighed and I was at 142 that's a drop of 7 pounds from the last time I was in there so I'm pretty happy with that- now if only my life would slow down a bit so I can get to the gym.
My kids are back in school- even the princess; she is there from 9-11:30 m-th so that give me a little time to go but this past week I was at the school doing PTA stuff for he beginning of the year and am finally slowing down on that.
Now between getting 3 kids to 3 different schools, keeping the house in some kind of working order, keeping their standard student attire clean and ready for the next day of school the hubs is going full force to his meetings and the kids and I have started to go to meetings for us, then the hubs truck batteries dies- both of them (he has a diesel engine) so we had to spend a fortune on batteries and the overtime that he had worked was barely reflected on his check due to a pay cut and health insurance payment- so just a little bit of stress going on financially and time wise and now tomorrow I have to take my Jack rat to the vet- he is unable to use his back legs- He can not go out on his own- I have to carry him out then hose him off because he can't stand up to do his business, he does "crawl" by using his two front legs but it causes him so much pain that if you touch his front legs/paws he winces and growls in pain. He has been like this for a few weeks but we haven't been able to fit his vet bill into our budget until now and I'm afraid of what the vet is going to say. He had been limping before this but on his front leg- but after we put cookie down it got worse- we adopted a friend for him hoping it would bring him out of his depression but it only seems to have gotten worse... I am really not looking forward to tomorrow. - sorry to be a downer but this is really weighing on my heart and mind tonight
sorry about my ramblings... its just been a crazy long week. thanks for stopping by hope your week is running smoother than mine

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Weigh in day

As is the routine for every Tuesday for the past 40 weeks I steeped on the scale and today it read 142.6 a gain of one pound- seeing as I have not been drinking near enough water and eating like I don't have a band even though it reminds me every time I over do it I'll take it.
But now that the boys are back in school and the princess is in Pre-k from 9-11:30 I don't have any excuses not to get my butt off the couch and get back to moving.
TOM is gone and the cravings are subsiding- although I now have a taste for ice cream again...but Its gone and I do not plan on buying any anytime soon... well that's my plan we'll see what happens
but I do hear the cookies calling me from the other room... uggh... where is my will power

I know what I need to do its just a matter of doing it- well that's all for now- thanks for stopping by