Friday, April 18, 2014

It's not too late...

At church we just finished up our Wednesday night bible study class that was entitled, "it's not too late- how God uses less than perfect people" by Tony Evans. It is a character study of 6 different biblical people, very inspiring, uplifting and it was entertaining also- But that study is over and a new one is starting after Holy week has concluded. (so that would be next week). But the whole time during the study I kept hearing 'its not too late to turn things around', no mater how horrible you have been- though it was referring to murders (Moses), prostitution (Rehab), deceivers (Jacob), divas (Esther), apostates - those who intentional reject Jesus Christ (Peter), doubters (Sarah)- I can feel a connection to these people. So why am I spouting off about my Biblical studies- because it holds true to everything in life. It's not too late to change and be better than you were the day before and so forth. I have just caught up on Sara's blog, Thinfluneced- she has gone through her own personal hell between the health of her son and her personal demons taking up space in her mind telling her she wasn't worth it she has dug her way up and out and though she will have to deal with her demons just as we all deal with them on a daily basis she is still living- she is grateful for the Grace of God and is constantly on the move, just reading her blog makes me feel out of breath and ready for a nap. I also caught up on Laura Belle's blog Beer, dogs and getting healthier- OMG she is a riot and a new mom of one of the cutest babies that is on the planet that was not birthed by me. She works a full time job along with being a full time wife and mom- she still makes time for herself and get her sweat on. Don't let me forget Banded ice Girl- living in Ice Land with an active son, going to school full time, working full time and with a full time BF she too makes time to sweat. All of these women- including Miss Lori and Lapband gal are all personal hero's to me- they might not wear a cape or fight evil but what they do is take to their computers and blog their life stories so that others can learn from them. When I stumbled across LPG blog through Pinterest I felt a connection with her- not a scary Single white female kind of way, just another person on this planet that has been there, done that and is providing her map of success and failures. It is because of her that I took to the keyboard and started to log my journey- every one is different even though our destination is the same - losing weight and being a better version of ourselves.
I Love to sit and read (in this case catch up) on the lives of these inspiring women, I love the insight, nuggets of wisdom and humor that comes through- I just hope that my blog helps and inspires someone as well.

OK- so today is a new day (from the time I actually started this post) we spent the day as a family- the hubs took the day off from work and the kids are on spring break. We started the day off getting the boys and the hubs new shoes, even the princess got a new pair even though she just got 2 new pairs... talk about daddy's little girl. Then we couldn't decide what to do, but it was getting close to lunch and with two 12 year old boys - who wear a size 13 and 10 shoes (HOLLY MOLLY) we decided to try out the new Golden Coral that opened up earlier this year. Now living in Vegas buffets are not a new thing or something special that happens at Easter- this is a 24 hour town full of buffets, but this one, this one was special, well to the boys that is. They always show the commercials of the chocolate fountains... seriously my boys sit and droll so imagine the excitement as we pulled into the parking lot- you would have thought we just got to Disney land. We get in, no line- awesome! so we head out to the food troughs to fill our plates- having just got a fill I take it easy- a peice of chicken and some popcorn shrimp. seriously that was all that was on my plate.... I ate about 5 shrimp and about 5 bites of chicken (BTW that was some awesomely good and juicy bird) and i was full. SERIOUSLY! I was not happy :( sitting in one of the best buffet places in Vegas and I am full. ugghh!!! So I sit and watch my family slip into a delicious ocean of flavors and smells and I am full. I did feel a bit of room open up so I jumped on it and aimed for mashed potatos with gravy, some stuffing and salad. I took a few little bites of each and then was done again. By this time my kids are eyeballing the desert station with their of so tempting chocolate fountains- so off they go, only to come back with wonderful sugary goodness coated in sweet chocolate and I again am full. I sit and watch thinking why oh why did I get a fill this week. In my fullness I wander over to the desert station and somehow manage to find something that may just slide down enough to satisfy my sweet tooth (and my cheapness- we paid for a buffet I want to get my monies worth) I come back with banana pudding- it is in a portioned cup and has fruit- can't be bad, and it wasn't it was soo good - I wanted to go back for more but I avoided it however the soft served ice cream made it back with me- but only a few spoonfuls and I was good- seriously done and so were the rest of the family, thank goodness.
Back in the van we go, now what to do... well we have been discussing getting another furbaby so home we go to get Shatzie, our Rotti- and head to the animal shelter to find a friend for her. We looked and played and let Shatzie play too and decided on a handsome lab/pointer mix- we will get to bring him home on Tuesday after he gets his dangling man parts removed. The princess was not happy that we left him there.. oh well that will be a surprise for her come Tuesday.
Well thats all I have going on- trying to keep balance and figure out this thing called life- Hope ya'll have a great weekend and a wonderful Easter.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Rude awakening

I knew I had gone overboard with my poor food choices - I mean making cookie runs almost daily (BTW- Albertsons bakery fresh cookies are beyond awesome, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED) - eating actual sandwiches with real bread- ice cream and cakes, pasta and countless bowls of cereal .... I was really out of control. The worst part is I knew it and yet I kept eating. Well I decided to take back control. I got a much needed fill yesterday- 2cc's - it is amazing how much 2 cc's can do for you. Last night after my fill while my family was enjoying a birthday dinner for my grandmother in-law that included my family favorite meatloaf, home made mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, corn and green beans I sat and enjoyed my smoothie ;I did however carefully eat a slice of cake- baby steps right, its ok though Olga aka my band let me know that she wasn't gonna let me go back for seconds.
I woke up this morning and instead of getting my big ol' cereal bowl I made myself another smoothie- almond milk, a little yogurt, frozen fruit, my protein powder and some oatmeal.... I was good for about an hour then my want to "chew" took over and I had a 100 calorie snack bar... and then was good again until lunch, a full 4 hours after my actual smoothie- and I had egg salad and some mashed potatoes from last night. So far so good for the day- not sure whats for dinner, most likely another smoothie, the kids are going to nana's to spend the night so the hubs and I can have some "quality alone" time so food is not the top priority of my night ;)
Well I did have a chance to catch up on two fellow bandsters blogs- the always amazing and inspiring Lap Band Gal and Miss Lori at I just ate my will power, how wonderful is it that during her process of getting banded and blogging to have met the man of her dreams, gotten married and is now expecting! Gongrats!!
I love that even though I have been absent these wonderful bandsters are still going strong- I look forward to catching up with everyone else's bogs too.
Oh but about yesterday- yikes, I knew going in there that I was not going to like the scale, and I didn't - the truth sucks big time when it is staring you straight in the face with those red digital numbers. 167- ouch, the last time that I was in there I was 147.... and that was in January (I think) 20 pounds in 3 months... OMG! But the thing was I was expecting finger waggling and disappointment from the nurse and the MA who gave me my fill but it was totally the opposite- my nurse, who is always a sweetheart at first was like it can't be that bad, then I stepped on the scale and all she said was lets get back on track- really no oh my God, what have you been eating? Nothing putting me down- you know all the things we make bigger than life in our own heads... And the MA was just as wonderful- didn't even bat an eyelash- she said it happens and gave me the biggest fill she was allowed to give. I left feeling much better about myself but knowing that I had to be on damage control and fix what I have done to myself.
So back to basics- every 4 hours, small bites, no drinking while eating.... and reminding myself that I am not hungry I am just bored and I do not need to eat.
So I am back in the game, not that I had left completely, just went to the bathroom and ended up at the concession stand for 6 months. But I'm ready coach, put me back in the game- I AM READY and WORTH IT!!!
thanks for stopping by, hope you have a blessed week.

Monday, April 14, 2014

hello?.. is this thing on?....

I can not believe how long it has been since I last posted let alone read anyone else's post and it shows- I have lost all motivation and accountability and its my own stupid fault- I could come up with some good excuses but they are just that, excuses- but I am back, at lease this is my plan.

Let me try to recap the last 6ish months, whoa, has it been that long? wowzers.
OK so I had my one year bandaversary in November and was at my goal weight of 145, I was doing good, feeling good and getting cocky- I figured that I had survived the first year, made it to my goal and I got lazy. Now we all know that the holidays are a struggle for all food addicts and of course when I needed accountability and motivation the most is when I totally fell off the radar. I held my own pretty well until about January when my allergies got the best of me and I had to have some fluid taken out because I was too tight...Well the weather in Vegas changes at the drop of a hat and pretty soon I was loose- and eating way more than I know I should have. I noticed the scale was moving in the wrong direction- and I kept saying to myself, 'I'm ok as long as I don't go past 150... then I changed to 155. Well to add insult to injury I had about 2 weeks where I couldn't get anything down- between allergies and my monthly I was having stuck moments left and right, deep down I was thinking, woohoo restriction! then I realized I hadn't had real food in close to a week, then it got to a scary point where I couldn't even get water down- I was dehydrated and ended up having to have more fluid taken out on a Saturday. Well the little bit of wight I had lost due to being too tight came right back and brought friends, lots of them- and again I kept telling myself I was good as long as I didn't go over 155, then 160 and now I am at the point of not going over 165. I am not happy with myself or my lack of will power and my over abundance of confidence that was sabotaging my efforts. I have an appointment to get a much needed fill tomorrow (I think right now I have about 3cc in my 10 cc band), and as much as I want to get back all the restriction I once had and get back into my size 6 pants I know that I have to play by the rules and take my time- it is not a marathon.

Other than the weight gain I have been busy being the PTA president at my daughters school- I really enjoy it and have thought about going back to school to get my associates so that I can become a substitute teacher. I am also getting pretty active in my church- I have the honor of working in the office on the 1st Sunday of the month for attendance and working in with the 2 and 3 year olds on the second Sunday of the month. If I had more energy I would be in the choir but the rehearsals are on Wednesdays after Bible study and by the time we get out of our study, collect the kids and get home it is bedtime so perhaps I'll join at a later time.

Well that's all for now- Thanks for stopping by, I hope you have a blessed day and I promise not to be a stranger.