Rude awakening

I knew I had gone overboard with my poor food choices - I mean making cookie runs almost daily (BTW- Albertsons bakery fresh cookies are beyond awesome, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED) - eating actual sandwiches with real bread- ice cream and cakes, pasta and countless bowls of cereal .... I was really out of control. The worst part is I knew it and yet I kept eating. Well I decided to take back control. I got a much needed fill yesterday- 2cc's - it is amazing how much 2 cc's can do for you. Last night after my fill while my family was enjoying a birthday dinner for my grandmother in-law that included my family favorite meatloaf, home made mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, corn and green beans I sat and enjoyed my smoothie ;I did however carefully eat a slice of cake- baby steps right, its ok though Olga aka my band let me know that she wasn't gonna let me go back for seconds.
I woke up this morning and instead of getting my big ol' cereal bowl I made myself another smoothie- almond milk, a little yogurt, frozen fruit, my protein powder and some oatmeal.... I was good for about an hour then my want to "chew" took over and I had a 100 calorie snack bar... and then was good again until lunch, a full 4 hours after my actual smoothie- and I had egg salad and some mashed potatoes from last night. So far so good for the day- not sure whats for dinner, most likely another smoothie, the kids are going to nana's to spend the night so the hubs and I can have some "quality alone" time so food is not the top priority of my night ;)
Well I did have a chance to catch up on two fellow bandsters blogs- the always amazing and inspiring Lap Band Gal and Miss Lori at I just ate my will power, how wonderful is it that during her process of getting banded and blogging to have met the man of her dreams, gotten married and is now expecting! Gongrats!!
I love that even though I have been absent these wonderful bandsters are still going strong- I look forward to catching up with everyone else's bogs too.
Oh but about yesterday- yikes, I knew going in there that I was not going to like the scale, and I didn't - the truth sucks big time when it is staring you straight in the face with those red digital numbers. 167- ouch, the last time that I was in there I was 147.... and that was in January (I think) 20 pounds in 3 months... OMG! But the thing was I was expecting finger waggling and disappointment from the nurse and the MA who gave me my fill but it was totally the opposite- my nurse, who is always a sweetheart at first was like it can't be that bad, then I stepped on the scale and all she said was lets get back on track- really no oh my God, what have you been eating? Nothing putting me down- you know all the things we make bigger than life in our own heads... And the MA was just as wonderful- didn't even bat an eyelash- she said it happens and gave me the biggest fill she was allowed to give. I left feeling much better about myself but knowing that I had to be on damage control and fix what I have done to myself.
So back to basics- every 4 hours, small bites, no drinking while eating.... and reminding myself that I am not hungry I am just bored and I do not need to eat.
So I am back in the game, not that I had left completely, just went to the bathroom and ended up at the concession stand for 6 months. But I'm ready coach, put me back in the game- I AM READY and WORTH IT!!!
thanks for stopping by, hope you have a blessed week.
D