Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas to all and from me a vent

Hello and Merry Christmas out there to those of you who stop by and read this.
I need to vent for a bit- so please bear with me. First off my husband who I love and cherish is a recovering alcoholic- sober since July of this year. I didn't realize how bad off he was until he started in AA. Well for the past 3 years the holidays have been ho-humm for him. He was hoping that this year with his sobriety he would be in better spirits but sadly he's still in a holiday funk, it doesn't help that he decided to stop taking his antidepressant a week or so ago....I know, right. I am glad that he has come to terms with his addiction and is getting back to the man that I fell in love with all those years ago but when you know that the holidays depress you why would you intentionally stop taking a medication that might help you through the holidays?!?!?
Tonight we were at his mothers for Christmas eve dinner and presents for the kids and he spent the majority of the time sitting like a bump on a log only moving a bit to take pictures. I can't help but feel alone during this time because he is either in a meeting or trying to deal with his depression without the aid of alcohol. Because of his funk and the fact that I can't really do anything to help I have found myself eating - not as bad as I did before surgery but tonight I ate a sinful desert made tonight by my mother in law and then while baking and decorating cookies tonight  with the kids I ended up eating at least 4 cookies smothered in frosting and sprinkled with sugar. They tasted soo good but now I feel sick, I am not used to eating sugar and am angry that I couldn't handle my frustration with my husband in a different way. I know that if I keep doing this I will slid back down that slippery slope that I had gone down before hindering my weight loss in the past.
Sorry to have thrown that out there but I figured it is better to blog about it rather than eat my feelings.