Monday, July 29, 2013

not so motivational monday

OMG it's Monday night and I haven't posted since last Tuesday
Am I the only one who loses track of the days on summer break? the only way I realize its the actual weekend is when I see the hubs 2 full days in a row.
I can't believe there are 4 weeks left of my kids summer break, I feel as though time is flying yet stalled all at the same time. and yet we have done nothing exciting - It has either too hot or too expensive... I really hate that there is nothing really kid friends and cheap (besides a park) here in Vegas and every time I think "lets go to the pool" there is a storm on it's way. So here we sit and here I stay. I have no motivation on this Monday.
Last week I was doing good, I actually saw 146 on the scale- (scale whore) but the number doesn't count unless it's weigh in day on Tuesday- and today I got on and saw 149...uggh. And I don't see anything really changing between now and weigh in day tomorrow.
Last week my food was right on target in fact some days came in under target. And then Saturday rolled around... This coming Wednesday is mine and my daughters birthday- so the hubs took me to dinner- one of my favorite places- Jer ry's Nu gget- their prime rib is to die for!  But I was good, instead of getting my normal 8-10 oz portion I shared with the hubs... I had the salad to start and then had what seemed to be a good 3 oz portion of the prime rib, a small chunk of the baked potato- not bad right... I avoided the garlic toast and avoided drinking during my meal- I ate slow and started feeling full so I put back the little bit of prime rib that I couldn't finish... but then she asked if we wanted desert- oh lemme tell ya, this place also have a killer bakery that makes the most awesome éclairs I have ever had just short of my own mothers home made ones- so of course the hubs and I had to share one... and we did pretty good- we cut it in half and put one half in a to go box and then spilt the other half in half...  awesome dinner - just a little overboard but nothing near what I used to do.  Well we proceeded to go out that evening and enjoy some much needed couple time- and at the end of the night I decided I "needed" another taste of that éclair... I ended up eating the other half all by myself and I wont even get into the 2 am stop at the De1 Tac0 drive through...hanging my head in shame...
Well Sunday I woke up to finish the final preparations for my daughters birthday party. And what is a party without party food. We had nacho cheese chips, cheesy puffs, corn chips and cheese dip, potato chips and French onion dip, I did have a veggi platter with fresh made ranch dip and a fruit dip with a sugary sweet dip... OMG- it was also tasty and I grazed all afternoon... not good, not good at all. And what birthday is complete without cake and ice cream. I had ordered a 1/2 sheet cake-  chocolate with a strawberry filling and butter cream icing... yumm! then last night my boys had their friends spend the night- a total of 5 11yr old boys so one of the other mommies brought over pizza...seriously I need to be put in an institution- I was not hungry, I did not feel hungry I did not want to eat and yet I had 2 pieces!  I went to bed feeling sick and bloated then I woke this morning I woke up and had a piece of cake- really! what is my problem?!?!
Right now as I type I know that there is still 1/4 of that cake sitting in my fridge... and I have been picking at it all day- along with picking at all the left over snacks from yesterday. Then I realized I am just a few days away from TOM's arrival... seriously- why is it that my hormones feel that they can control me during this time- It frustrates me to no end- I'm good 3 weeks out of the month and then bam- poor food choices. And the crappy thing is I'm sitting here on the verge of a BP because I decided that on top of the shake I thought would be good for dinner to help slow the damages done by the weekend- it just wasn't filling the void- so I ate some cheesy puffs, and carrots that I smothered in that homemade ranch dip followed by a microwave burrito covered in salsa... and all I can think about is that damn cake sitting in the fridge!- and that cake has managed to get itself onto a plate and sit right next to me... hello will power where are you!?!?!

tomorrow I have an appointment with my fill doctor... I do not plan on getting one- but I have been banded for 9 months so I need to go on in and make sure everything is going good- and seeing as I have lost 75 pounds since this time last year I think I'm doing ok... I am a little discouraged that it has been 2 months since my slight un-fill (to let me eat actual meats for protein) and I have only lost 5 pounds.... and I have been tossing those back and forth on the scale- I know that once the daily routine gets back to normal meaning the kids are back in school I can get back to the gym and start feeling better- I know that is an excuse- I should be able to get to the gym now but my motivation isn't here... hopefully I will find my motivation tomorrow until then I will leave you with a picture of me at my heaviest- 225 and at my lightest 146
my birthday last year- 225

a month before surgery close to 215
Saturday night- 146
I must remember this! 
Sorry for the long post- I hope you all have a great week and that you find your motivation to get out there and sweat!