Accountablity sucks....

I have been pretty good at logging all my food choices since my surgery -  the good and not so good but the past 3 days I have slacked off mainly because I was grazing and couldn't keep track of what I ate, that and I didn't want to face reality. But I'm back on the band-wagon and have been good today but I am HUNGRY. I don't get my first fill until the 11th and I know that I need one- desperately!
In good news I got on the scale this morning and I am still in onderland in fact I'm down a pound -  (198.8) my official weigh in day is actually on Tuesday (picked that day because my surgery fell on a Tuesday) so hopefully I will still be there if not lower. My main issue is actually getting off my butt and onto my treadmill but my kids are home all day because they are on winter break and they are gathered in the room that my treadmill is in with their friends... makes it hard to get in there... I know- excuses, excuses.
Ok, my goal is to get on there tonight when the friends have all gone home and I can have control of the TV. I will keep with this trend through their break and then back to my morning routine when they get back to school... wow, I think I have a plan! Now to see if I can hold to it.
Now if only someone would finish off the pie's left over from Christmas because they are yelling my name.

Merry Christmas- weigh in day

My Christmas present to myself is being in Onderland! I stepped on the scale for my official weigh in this morning and I an 199.6! I will take it (damn TOM showed up a week early and

Seminar in May: around 225
Day of surgery: 215.8
week 1 post op: 207.6
week 2 post op: 204.2
week 3 post op: 202.6
week 4 post op: 199.2

Slowly but surely I am getting healthier and thinner - trying not to get too discouraged that I am not losing faster and have to remind myself that I didn't gain it all in one day and I won't lose it all in one day either.

thanks for reading and Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all and from me a vent

Hello and Merry Christmas out there to those of you who stop by and read this.
I need to vent for a bit- so please bear with me. First off my husband who I love and cherish is a recovering alcoholic- sober since July of this year. I didn't realize how bad off he was until he started in AA. Well for the past 3 years the holidays have been ho-humm for him. He was hoping that this year with his sobriety he would be in better spirits but sadly he's still in a holiday funk, it doesn't help that he decided to stop taking his antidepressant a week or so ago....I know, right. I am glad that he has come to terms with his addiction and is getting back to the man that I fell in love with all those years ago but when you know that the holidays depress you why would you intentionally stop taking a medication that might help you through the holidays?!?!?
Tonight we were at his mothers for Christmas eve dinner and presents for the kids and he spent the majority of the time sitting like a bump on a log only moving a bit to take pictures. I can't help but feel alone during this time because he is either in a meeting or trying to deal with his depression without the aid of alcohol. Because of his funk and the fact that I can't really do anything to help I have found myself eating - not as bad as I did before surgery but tonight I ate a sinful desert made tonight by my mother in law and then while baking and decorating cookies tonight  with the kids I ended up eating at least 4 cookies smothered in frosting and sprinkled with sugar. They tasted soo good but now I feel sick, I am not used to eating sugar and am angry that I couldn't handle my frustration with my husband in a different way. I know that if I keep doing this I will slid back down that slippery slope that I had gone down before hindering my weight loss in the past.
Sorry to have thrown that out there but I figured it is better to blog about it rather than eat my feelings.

Merry Christmas Adam

...aka Christmas eve's eve. I hope that everyone is have a wonderful holiday season with family and friends.
I will be 4 weeks post op on Christmas. I am doing pretty good- teeter tottering between 199 and 200, so close to permanent membership in "onederland"- Merry Christmas to me.
I have been getting my protein in and working on my liquids (still having a few issues with that). I was getting in a walk everyday on the "dreadmill" but I started feeling a lot of discomfort in my port area- is that normal this far out from surgery? It feels like a pinching under this skin- not a very pleasant feeling that's for sure. Not sure if I overdid something or if this is normal so if you have any ideas please let me know. I don't go in for a fill until the 11th of January so I will find out if I did something stupid and tweaked it or if its just normal.
Speaking of fills, I'm kinda excited that I will be able to enjoy Christmas dinner (in moderation) along with my hubby's and my 16th anniversary dinner (in moderation). I am starting to feel more hungry now and though I know I can pretty much eat anything right now I am choosing not to and am trying to keep to the rules, small portions, lots of chewing and no drinking while eating.
We went to a Christmas party last night and I avoided the pizza, chips, crackers and cookies like the plague but I did enjoy cheese and deli meats with a few of those pinwheel roll ups with the meat and cheese in it but I did not eat the tortilla it was wrapped in. Oh and I did have 1 cookie... it was my first baked good since surgery and I enjoyed every bite and logged everything on MFP, then today I ate half of a chocolate Santa...bad bandster I know but it was so tasty and sweet I got a little sugar buzz from it and it wasn't all that big.
Sorry for my ramblings and inconstancy but thanks for reading.

3 week post op tomorrow

It was 3 weeks ago tomorrow that I made a change in my life and got my band- I am so glad that I did.
I am paying more attention to my body and its cues and what my triggers really are. I have actually told myself "no I'm not hungry, I'm bored" and walked out of the kitchen without snacking.
My husband has noticed the weight loss and so have I, my face is starting to thin down a little; I just can't wait till I have just One chin.
My surgery day weight was 215.8 today I am 202.6 - I did start on "chewable foods" already; according to my doctors office I was supposed to wait until i was 3 weeks post op but I wanted "real" food- to me that meant tuna salad and baked chicken- I took small bites, took my time and didn't drink anything while eating (harder than I thought).
My boys (twins) had their 11th birthday last week so in honor of that we let them decide what we would eat on Saturday night- so off to Red Robin we went. I shocked my husband when I ordered a grilled turkey burger without the bun and a side of steamed broccoli... it was pretty tasty. Then on Sunday they had their birthday party, I avoided the chips and crackers but did eat some cheese and meats with a few carrots (that was my lunch) and a small sliver of cake- I made it so I "had" to eat some to make sure it tasted good. (and it did- home made ice cream cake) But I have kept myself accountable and logged everything I've eaten and all my workouts on myfitnesspal.com
Speaking of workouts I should get off my duff and get on my treadmill.
thanks for reading.

2 weeks post op

Today I am 2 weeks post op. Nothing too exciting to report. I was 215 on the day of my surgery and today I am 204.2; I'll take it!

I did have a little plateau when I introduced soft mushies to my meals but I have now started walking and felling much better about my progress. Just a matter of getting into a rhythm.

Speaking of mushies, what kind did you eat? I'm still doing my protein shakes, greek yogurt, soups and re fried beans... but I getting a bit burnt out- any suggestions? One more week till I can have chewable foods again... can't wait.

I did take my kids to a birthday party this past weekend; it was filled with the typical fatty sugary goodness that I love- pizza, chips and cake and I didn't have a single crumb. Normally I would have bellied up to the table and have at lease 3 slices of pizza and a piece of cake, with numerous cups of soda but I planned ahead and brought a protein shake- not as tasty but more satisfying knowing I was doing this for me.

wound check and other stuff

Tomorrow will mark one week since my surgery and all is well. I have finally been able to get past the protein shake blahs- amazing what a difference almond milk can make.
I was supposed to go in today for my wound check at 1:45 today but when I called to confirm they said that it had been canceled because my surgery had been canceled.... uhh, nope- been poked, prodded and banded and have the scars, bruising and pain to prove it. So now I have an appointment at 3:30 for the wound check and whatever else they may have in store for me and I will find out what this whole canceled thing is about.
My wonderful husband has been home with me since my surgery to help with the kids and cooking and everything else that I do... he is definitely learning that I do not just sit upon my expanding posterior all day. But as sweet as it is I am ready for him to go back to work.
Anyways, according to my scale I have dropped 9 pounds even since surgery- not bad, mainly water weight but I'll take it.

sip, sip, sip ugghhh

Ok, so I'm doing pretty good. Just a little sore on the port side, but nothing I can't handle.
My doctor given post op goals; drink 80-100 liquid oz and at least 90 grams of protein. The day of surgery I did pretty good, yesterday I fell short and today I'm just not digging it. HELP- any ideas on how to keep fluids and protein levels going up while staying sane and somewhat satisfied without having to try loads of different protein powders?
I feel hungry but the thought of sipping on another protein shake is unappetizing so any help would be wonderful.

I'm officially a Bandster

Had my surgery this morning and everything went well- only feeling a little pain and discomfort where the port is so I guess that's ok- thank goodness for pain killers.
The hubby has taken off the rest of the week to help with the 3yr old princess; I couldn't help but laugh at his futile efforts with her.... she has him so wrapped around his finger.
Thanks for all your support and guidance- it means a lot!
Well here's to 3 weeks of liquids and mushies.

WTF- Monday edition (warning TMI)

Ok, so my surgery is scheduled for tomorrow- I am beyond excited but mother nature being the evil woman that she is decided that today would be a great day for TOM to show up! Seriously?!?!It's not like I have a nice "easy period" I have 7 full days of hell. So not thrilled by this little turn of events. Anyone else have TOM around when you got banded?
Well I guess the up side is I'll have some decent pain killers and an excuse to do a whole lot of nothing while I heal and cramp.

Pass the Protein Please...

Ok, I need some guidance- I am less than a week away from my band and I need some recommendations on what protein powders, drinks, bars (for later) you prefer. They have a store at my surgeons office but if I can find it closer and cheaper with reviews from those of you who have used them I would prefer to go that route.
Also what were the ways you "mixed things up" so you wouldn't get bored with the same ol thing day after day.
Thanks for your help and I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh My Gosh....

I had my surgery consult yesterday and everything is good to go. Today I received a call from the surgery scheduler and I will do my pre-op class on the 21st and have my band on the 27th!!!! I am thrilled beyond belief. All these months of jumping through hoops and its just around the corner.  I will get to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner and should be back on solids before Christmas and should be able to enjoy a few nibbles here and there. (everything in moderation)

Flustered

I totally understand why many people keep their band to themselves. I don't even have one (yet) and I have recieved mostly positive responses but also a few negative responses from the few people that I have talked to about it. I've tried to keep it on the "DL" and just have told my close circle of friends. I love all of my friends dearly and they are all entitled to their opinion- but I am letting you know about a major decision I am making to change my life for the better, I am not asking for your opinion and if I didn't ask for it then please don't give it to me.

One of my friends who has also struggled with her weight had a tummy tuck years ago and asked why I didn't just do that. Well guess what, a tuck doesn't help you to change the way you think about food. A tuck does not help you face your food demons. It only changes your exterior - needless to say she has since gained back the fat that was cut away.
 
Today I was texting with a friend of mine- the same friend that I went to the original seminar with. I was letting her know that I have my surgery consultation tomorrow, she wished me luck and after I asked if her new insurance would cover it she said yeah, but that a friend of hers that had it (the band)didn't recommend it because he thinks it wont work long term and that she was rethinking her decision....Really? I so wanted to lay into her and explain that it is only part of the process and is to be used as 'tool' to aid in weight loss and is not a miracle that keeps the fat off forever. You have to use the band along with exercise and proper food choices and yes it takes time and work, but it's worth it to be healthy. I know that there are many people out there that the band has not helped but mainly because they thought it would do all the work. But instead of getting into a texting argument I ended our conversation with 'Ok'.

Since receiving the call from the weight loss center that my insurance would cover the majority of the cost I have been reading blogs, books, websites, message boards and watched you tube videos about the band; I know the pros and the cons. I know that there are risks of complications, infection at the incision sites, slippage and erosion, not to mention the needle piercing through my port to "fill" me up. But I am ready, mentally and physically. I am doing this for me and my health. I want to be around for along time- I mean honestly the world would be pretty dull place without me in it.  I have talked with my husband, my kids, my primary doctor and my close circle of friends and have their total support- not that that would sway my desicion, but it is nice to have.

So how do you deal with the little bits, or lotta bits of negative input about your decision?

Thanks for reading, have a great night

Ten Things Thursday

As is the fashion on Thursday- I bring to you TTT- thanks to  Laura Belle

CAUTION- CONTAINS FOOD PORN
 
1. This is my first TTT post
 
2. Since stumbling across LBG blog I have been hooked on reading blogs and writing my own.
 
3. My wonderful husband is replacing my nasty outdated kitchen floor this weekend.
 
4. I baked chocolate chip pecan pie- 2 of them... with real butter, real sugar and real chocolate chips- I better enjoy this while I can, I hope to banded by the end of the year.
 

 

 

5. I also made a yummy Chicken Pot Pie

 



 
6. I go for my surgical consultation on Monday...I can't wait!

7. I have been living In Las Vegas for over 23 years and have only gambled a handful of times
Oh - and if there are any Vegas Bandsters out there I would love to meet you.

8. I seriously can not stand video games- I write this as I am listening to my husband bitch, moan and complain about the "mission" he is doing. The thing is he is not talking to me he is talking to the game.... uh lets try a little internal dialog dear

9. I am obsessed with "Long Island Medium" - my dream is to have a reading with her. Yes I believe in her talents.

10. I have been so preoccupied with reading blogs that I haven't picked up my Kindle in weeks

There ya have it- my first TTT. Hope I didn't bore you too much.
Thanks for reading and I hope yo have a great weekend.

What to do, what to do?

Water, water everywhere but way to bland to drink.
I have already cut out sodas and tea- and I have never been a milk drinker so that leaves me with water that I flavor with crystal light but I know that with all the citric acid in it and the artificial sweeteners it is not the healthiest choice but plain water is too bland. I would love to hear your suggestions on how to flavor your water without the added chemicals.

They're REAL and they are SPECTACULAR!
Ok ladies I need to know, with your incredible weight loss did you lose your girls?... You know, your chi-chis, ta-Tass, the sisters, in other words your boobs?
I have always been gifted when it comes to my chest and I have grown rather attached to them through the years and would hate to lose them in the process. I mean, if they happen to shrivel up and fall off there's not much I can really do about it, but a little forewarning would be nice. ( o ) ( o )

Slowly but surely

I spoke with my patient advocate on Monday and she has finally received all my paperwork. I am now scheduled for a consultation with the surgeon and my nutrition class both on the 12th. Once all that is done then to get my surgery scheduled, start my pre-op diet and then the band. Not sure how much longer I can wait, as I mentioned before I am not a patient person.

 I did speak to her about me already losing weight and how I was concerned about not being approved because of it. She was impressed that I was already devoted to losing weight and said as long as my BMI is over 35 I should be good and it will be based on my Monday appointment and weigh in. So in gluttonous fashion I have sacrificed nutrition for a few days to ensure that I am still 'fat' enough for surgery, never thought I would say that. My kids are loving this last burst of greasy indulgence because I have warned them several times that once I am banded we will no longer have take out, deliver or drive through- so today we enjoyed pizza for lunch and then fast food burgers and fries for dinner and homemade oatmeal cookies along with left over Halloween candy. I actually had to force myself to eat, never really had to do that before.

I realize that my starting weight is lower than many of you and I hope you do not think that I am taking for granted that I have lost weight without the band, but I know that this loss is merely temporary and for me to be truly successful and keep it off and to become healthy I need the band.

My goal is to be healthy- ridding myself of my blood pressure and diabetic medicine and my sleep buddy the dreaded C-PAP machine and to feel comfortable in my own skin- I am not looking for a specific size or weight I just want to look good, be confident in who I am and to love myself.

Thank you all for your encouraging words as I start this journey- I hope you will stick around for all the ups and downs- I know I can do this- and with all your encouragement and inspiration I WILL DO THIS.

Anxiously waiting for Monday

Why would anyone want to see Monday roll around?

One reason, the kids and the husband go back to school/work leaving me with the princess so that I can actually enjoy a little peace and quiet.

Second reason, I need to make sure that the weight loss center has all my paper work and for them to answer a few questions.

Perhaps some of you can help answer my main question.

You see, when I started this journey back in May I was about 225, I never really weighed myself for good reason- the mirror spoke volumes but today I caved and bought a scale and I've actually lost weight; not too much but I haven't been "actively" trying. I've cut out soda, caffeine and stopped my evening bowls of ice cream but I have not changed anything else- still too much pain in my back and laziness on my part to actually exercise. I'm afraid that if I lose too much weight I will no longer be a candidate for surgery. Is my fear justified? Should I hit the drive through to "bulk up"?
I have my share of medical issues including depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, pre-diabetes, sleep apnea and hypothyroidism to name a few - will the medical issues outweigh the weight loss, no matter how small I have had?

Don't get me wrong- I want to lose weight, but really, out of all the times in the past that I have sweated buckets and ate only salads to never see a change now when I am so close to getting the weapon to help knock out the fat do I actually lose weight.
Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Very Overwhelmed

Thank you all for the positive comments. I was so tickled to see all the comments and to learn that I now have 2 followers... yes LPG that does sound rather cult-like. (now i just need to figure out how to add the followers gadget)

I am still trying to figure out the whole blogging concept and getting my layout how i would like it- so you may see a few changes, don't worry, just like me this blog will have some outward changed but the content will still be me.
 
Oh and I finally got the letter that my insurance decided last week that they need; apparently the letter clearing me for surgery was not good enough they also required a letter of recommendation for the surgery... a little redundant right.
Anyways, I called my weight center to see if my patient advocate received it and she was out of the office.... the ol' hurry up and wait, again. So now I have to wait until Monday to schedule my consultation so we can really get the fat burning- I've been fat 38 years, whats 2 more days of waiting right... :(

A little about me, actually a lot about me-

Well I tried to put this in my profile but I just couldn’t get it to work so here it is.

I am 38 years old, married 15+ years to my best friend who loves me regardless of my weight and mother of 3 beautiful children who are wondering why I am so preoccupied with the thought of Lap Band surgery.

For as long as I can remember I have been big, heavy, full figured and fat. My fuller frame didn’t seem to fit in well with my family.  My mother, sister and father were all rather thin. My mother ate like a bird whereas I preferred to eat the whole bird. My sister seemed to have been blessed with the ability to eat just about anything and keep her girlish figure.  My father had wonderful will power and avoided sweets. And then there was me.

My mother, as much as I loved her and still do seemed very disappointed in the fact that I was and still am overweight. I remember asking her what my first word was and she laughed and said “food”. She also would tell others about the time when I must have been 5 and was at a friend’s house, they were about to have lunch and as most 5 year olds do I asked for something to eat too- well my friends mother was outraged thinking that my mother must not feed me and called CPS on my mother. When they showed up and explained the complaint my mother had me come to the door in all my cherub cuteness and express that I was in no way underfed, in fact she said I was overfed. Needless to say that stopped their investigation.

I don’t remember when it actually started or why but I started to eat my emotions. I couldn’t get enough sweets. I’m sure that as a kid I stole over a hundred dollars from my mother’s purse and coin jar just so I could get my fix of sweets from the ice cream man. I had a hardcore addiction and would buy as much as I could and rush home and sit in my closet and stuff my face and feel euphoric as the sugar surged through my veins but as soon as the rush was over the guilt would settle in and I would feel the need to eat more.

My mother always had the best of intentions; at least I always thought she did. But as an adult and mother I can’t help but be enraged by some of the things she did to try and “help” me lose weight. I must have been about 12 and I remember getting on the scale and seeing 135. I was mortified, I wanted to be the thin daughter my mother wanted me to be and I tried with all my might to keep the scale at that number and for it not to climb… that didn’t last very long.

My mother, bless her heart would try to bribe me to eat better. When she would go for her weekends with the reserves she would promise to bring me a treat for me doing well on my diet and the treat she would bring me was of all things, candy! Then there were the times that she would buy me diet drink aids, they reminded me of Alka-Seltzer but they were fruit flavored. You put them in a glass of water and they fizzed and were supposed to suppress your appetite, they didn’t work very well because when she wasn’t looking I would dig into the back end of a roll of cookie dough. 

One winter when I was about 13 my mother announced that we were going to take a family trip. This was big because our family didn’t do the whole family vacation thing, but she found a family cruise that she wanted us to take. In order for us to go we all had to do our part and help save money and I had to lose weight… yes, she actually told me that, needless to say we never went on that trip.

She actually bought me diet pills that from an advertisement on TV. You were to take them  anywhere from 2- 8 of them per meal with a large glass of water and they were supposed to swell up like a sponge and take up space in your stomach so you couldn’t eat as much therefore making you lose weight. I really hope she didn’t spend a lot on those because I used them and yet I was still overweight.

I remember one night waking up and hearing the sound of waves crashing on a beach, yet I was at home in my room, miles from the beach. It was a subliminal weightless tape; she had actually purchased yet another weight loss product off the TV to “help” me lose weight. I was obsessed with it.  I would play it in the background while watching TV, doing homework, and of course sleeping and yet the scale kept moving up.

Through the years I have done pills, fad diets, gym memberships, at home videos and more, all of my own doing. Surprise surprise nothing seemed to work- even now I look at the weight loss aisle at the store and think that might work, but I know better- the key is diet, exercise and will power. That is why I am so eager to get my lap band. It is a weapon to HELP me accomplish my fat loss goal not some “magic pill” that will undo a lifetime of bad habits overnight.

How I came to wanting a Lap Band… well I actually just wanted a tummy tuck, but honestly that’s not going to help re-train me on proper eating habits. I thought I would be fat for the rest of my life until I went to a Lap Band seminar in the spring of 2012 with my best friend. She didn’t want to go alone so I figured why not- I have nothing to lose right. So we get there and I hand over my ID and insurance card thinking there is no way that my insurance would cover this procedure.

We sat, we listened, we watched the slid show and we left with a better understanding of what it does and how it does it but I knew I could not afford it. The following week I received a call back from the surgery center and they told me that my insurance would cover all but about $2000 ….where so I sign! But before I can sign on the dotted line I had to do all the things required by my insurance company and of the weight loss center so off I go to my primary doctor to get started.

I had my first of 4 consecutive monthly appointments with him to monitor my weight and discuss nutrition; I actually lost 5 pounds and so far have kept them off. Next, off to get my chest x-ray then EKG and finally my psych evaluation…I was getting so close the only thing missing was the letter from my doctor clearing me from surgery, so I thought. Finally Last week the weight loss center received –YES!! Then they tell me that as of last week my insurance company is requiring another letter, this time a letter of recommendation for the surgery- NO!!!

So that’s where I am, waiting – I hate waiting…. But I know that once all is said and done I will be banded and on my way to better health, hoping to rid myself of my blood pressure and diabetes medicine and fat and hopeful to gain self-confidence and energy.

First time for everything

This is my first time doing a blog, so bare with me please.
I was encouraged to do this from reading Lap Band Gals blog. I actually stumbled across her blog by way of Pinterest, I love that site! I was searching for different information that may have been posted regarding Lap Band surgery and found her blog. Now I admit that I have never been a blogger let alone a reader of blogs but I was instantly captivated by her so much so that went back to her very first post and started from the beginning. Took me a few days to get though it but I finally finished it this morning.
I love how she blogged about not only the good but also the bad and the ugly. She has helped me realize that the Lap band is right for me and that it is just one part of her weight loss journey. It is not a miracle device that will make the pounds fall off but a tool or as i prefer to call it a weapon to be used along side of exercise and a healthy diet to assist in the destruction of fat.  
Through this blog I hope to keep myself accountable for the decisions I make, whether good or bad I will have to own it.
If you would like to know more about my life to this point check out my profile, I think it will be there... I'm still getting the hang of this site.